KREMLIN ATTACKS U.S. DRINKING WATER π¨
DEEP MINK: “As much as we want Trump to lose in 2024, we don’t believe he did anything wrong in the hush-money case. Blame the extortionists and the news media that buy and bury History — not their victims!”TRIAL: Tabloid publisher says he suppressed negative news, pledged to be Trump’s ‘eyes and ears’ in 2016 race π¨
WILL POWER! Happy Birthday, Shakespeare! π¬π§
STUDY: OLD AGE BEGINS AT 75! Also, Trump is 77, and Biden is 81 — but Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is 70 πΊπΈ
MAGA U.S. DESCENDING INTO ANTI-SEMITIC NIGHTMARE! Ex-CNN anchor heading to Israel, stating it’s safer than New York City for her Jewish family π¨
Microsoft AI tries — and MISERABLY fails — to make Mona Lisa rap in video that doesn’t even have the slightest resemblance with Leo’s La Gioconda π€‘
Australia is very sorry and also upset and outraged and, frankly, pissed that Elon Musk — unlike mainstream media and reporters — thinks that adults should be allowed to decide for themselves if they want to watch newsworthy videos or not π¨
“WHO’S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?” Taylor Swift has a new song for all you lovely Witches — and the Christians are going to hate it π₯
COME TO VENICE BIENNALE FOR THE BOOBS — stay for the alligator ride and spacewalk π¨
CELEBRATE OUR LOVELY EARTH TODAY! π
Two cannibals walk into a bar… π
CNN increases its anti-Hindu propaganda π¨
Rising French star Marion MarΓ©chal: “Do you want an Islamized Europe or a European Europe?” πͺπΊ
Tired of iPhone? You may want … the lobster phone π
A NEW PRESIDENT KENNEDY? JFK Jr. now polls at 13 percent — and he hurts Trump more than Biden π
Did sane Republicans finally find the perfect alternative to Trump in RFK Jr.? πΊπΈ- OLD GUYS NETWORK! CNN actually thinks it’s relevant what 79-year-old Michael Douglas feels about Biden’s age π€‘
The process is complete, Lindsey Graham finally lost it: Credits TRUMP for aid to Ukraine π€‘
EXPLAINS A LOT! The Tucker on shrooms π
Surfin’ with dolphins π¬β€οΈ
Patti Smith — who’s an actual ‘tortured poet’, as opposed to untalented American candy floss — is mentioned in new Taylor Swift album for some reason π΄π€Look up tonight for some very special and beautiful April showers π₯
WASHINGTON POST ASKS: “Can PornHub be ethical?” We ask: “Can pro-censorship firms like Facebook, Google, OpenAI and mainstream media?” ππ
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